A FEW WORDS FROM THE POPE...

Greetings My Precious Lambs,

I am here to say that Farnsworth was a holy vessel, so many years ago. As the man who created television, he suffered. He suffered separation from his loving family, the loss of his infant son, and then lost the patent rights to his sacred creation to RCA.

I am here to say that as children we know the truth of god, that the people in the TV are real, but through mock religious conditioning we are made to forgot.

I am here to say that we are a religion without discrimination of age, sex, or race. As there are shows for everyone on television.

I am here to say that worship of television personalities is as sacred as worship of the golden calf. And deities are subject to change at the will of the individual.

I am here to say that we are not mistaken or confused in our Televisionist beliefs, as some will say. TV is not the Devil, the Devil is created by the hand of God, this has been true in every religion.

I am here to say that if there is a devil in television, then it is the news. We do not desire so much reality in our lives, is this not why we watch TV in the first place, to escape the ugly realities of the world around us? TV should stay the heaven on Earth that it is.  

-Pope April

Recent Pope Statement

Dated 10/1/2001

As any good Pope, I’ve been engrossed in current events, the whole “Attack On America”. I took it all in, the footage seemed more like a Play Station game though.

I saw the trailer for new Spiderman movie on the internet, but alas there was no Spiderman web in sight for the thousands missing. If there is a war I’d go, but only as a fem-bot, Austin Powers style with breast implants outfitted with pistols, that way with my free hands I could smoke and drink Crown Royal.

Or, would it be like Band Of Brothers, “Where did this tank come from?”, “Those who have not made out, please return to the training office.”

I wonder in the Middle East, do they have HBO? HBO seems to be the only way to go. Will Tony Soprano's TV son go to jail? Will Sex and the City ever get interesting? There’s always FOX and The Simpsons. My advice­ rent some movies, watch Nick at Night, and whatever will happen will.

-Pope April