TV is God

Links to Find Me Gold...

2007-10-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

The BIG NEW EXCITING project: http://www.ayearatthewheel.com

Hellraiser Homemaker - The Book: http://www.lulu.com/content/292283

Jean Shepherd Festival: http://www.myspace.com/jean_shepherd

More on the TV Ministry: http://www.tvisgod.com/ourbeliefs.html

Scary Movie! Because I Said So

2007-09-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

I am afraid to shut off the lights...

I watched a movie that was so terriying, so horrorfying and so gratutious, I do not know when I will feel safe again.
Was it the new Rob Zombie flick? No.

Sadly, that would have been a welcome choice over the supposed "Chick Flick" I recently endured called 'Because I said So'.
Mind you, I never wanted to see this movie, but I was spending time with my 12 year old sister-in-law and we rented it. I watched it with her and my mother-in-law a night or two ago.

I am not really a "chick flick" kinda girl, I mean I enjoyed 'The Joy Luck Club' and 'The Piano', and the recent 'Waitress' (RIP Adrienne Shelly). Typically though, these are not my thing. Of course a good movie is a good movie no matter the genre, and I thought to myself "How bad could it be?"

Well, let me tell you, a very disturbing hour and a half later, I was truly mortified! The last movie I saw that was this bad? 'White Noise' I guess.

Much like 'White Noise', it appears this movie was written from scratch during filming, with the results being god-awful.

Diane Keaton stars as the mother of three daughters, one is merely a stand-in here and there, and I recall her having maybe 1 line, the other is a psychologist, a fact which appears forced in an effort to bring some humor to the movie - in the form of a ridiculous loser patient. Mission NOT accomplished on that one.

The third daughter, and apparently the only one that matters is Mandy Moore, who is successful and pretty and has a nice loft, but she is oh so lonely. Dear me! So meddling mother Diane Keaton decides to run a personal ad and interview would-be suitors. The entire plot is totally predicable - of course, but that wasn't even the worst of it!

No, the worst wasn't the formula, it wasn't the orgasm chat - though that was pretty fucking bad! - It wasn' the fact it seemed they wrote it as they went along. Okay, maybe all of that was, but.....

The worst was all of the forced cuteness - For example the three daughters and mother sing at all of their parties! Then there was all of this really stupid contrived drama, Mandy Moore dates a guy and he brings her home to meet his young son right after the first date (I am not even going to get into the psychological ramifications of this in the real world). She dates another guy who during the first date talks about touring Italy together - Good Grief!

I cannot even begin to recount all of the cliches, forced mother daughter humor, cutesy-ness, this movie beats you over the head with it's pointless moral of the story.

And, at the end of the film, I actually felt dumber for having watched it!

I never really hated Diane Keaton or any of the actors or actresses in this movie, but I can say without hesitation, were I in charge of America - every cast member, the writers, director, and studio execs who produced this declaration of the destruction of society would all be lined up and shot! Oh to be the king!

Why? Because I Said So!

Ritual Viewing Heaven

2007-09-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

If there were a TV Heaven, this would be it.
Somewhere in Las Vegas, June 2006.

I was SIMPSONIZED for REAL!

2007-07-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago my husband, Shane contacted Simpsons illustrator John Berado and asked him to do a drawing of my precious Pit Bull Roxanne, aka The Lick Monster, and me. Roxanne had recently passed away and we were both pretty devastated.

Roxanne was my best friend from the time I was about 19. I thought she'd be immortal, of course I also thought she was a voodoo princess who had been turned into a Pit-bull and sent to meet her doom in the Dog Fighting pits of Chicago.

Yep, she'd been fought, and starved nearly to death, and rescued, and had puppies, and given away, and then I inherited her from my irresponsible neighbor when she was about 18 month old. Thank you Art!

We spent 12 blissful years together, and contrary to popular belief she loved kids, liked dogs, and was the cuddliest bed partner ever - She slept under the covers with her head on a pillow or on really cold nights she slept all the way under the covers by my knees. She loved to dig holes and go for walks and eat bacon! Oh, how I miss her still!

Anyway, Shane commissioned this illustration, he said we should be in Hell and I should be in an SS uniform. John Berado said no Simpsons characters could be in the illustration. Shane said no problem, but when the creators of The Simpsons saw the illustration and heard the story behind it they insisted he draw in some Simpsons characters and that we be added to crowd scenes on the show.

This has been my most prized possession ever since, and I always try to scan the crowds on 'The Simpsons' for us, I'm pretty sure I've seen us on a few occasions!

Here's another picture of Roxanne, so you can see the resemblance:

Further News Weirdness...

2007-07-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

Here re 4 different stories about the same toxic spill in Japan, notice the difference between the New York Times article and the others from the UK, Ireland and the Cayman Islands...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/20/world/asia/20leak.html
http://www.caycompass.com/cgi-bin/CFPnews.cgi?ID=1023623
http://www.nature.com/news/2007/070716/full/070716-3.html
http://www.independent.ie/world-news/asia/nuclear-leak-plant-was-built-over-active-fault-zone-1039809.html

No, nuclear spills aren't harmful, not at all! And especially not when there's a fire at the same plant at the same time, when nuclear waste just happened to get into the exhaust filtration system.
Silly foreigners, there's nothing to worry about, it ONLY toxic nuclear waste.

Now, there has been an earthquake this morning in San Francisco, let's see what happens with the weather and the ocean over the next few months.

News Is Lies

2007-07-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

The TV Ministry's foundation is built on the belief that television is the modern god (don't write me and say "no it's the computer" -- it's the same damn thing - a lit screen we stare at). Another conerstone of our faith is that the news is lies. It's all lies, and as far as I am concerned, it always has been lies. Edward R. Murrow wouldn't have had to fight for truth if the news was truth, it was lies, always-- before, during, and after him, and most likely he was just really pissed when he realized he'd been a shill for the liar makers.

Anyway, the lies in the news today are so thin, so obvious, I am not sure how ANYONE could beleive in it.

For example, a few days ago a headline appeared that said a "new" video of Bin Laden had surfaced, and it decribed him as looking older with a greying beard (oh my), still giving orders to destroy America. When I clicked the link to see "public enemy #1" mocking us from his current hidden locale, I instead found a very weak article saying this footage had surfaced and no one had a date on it. Here's a link: http://www.lauramansfield.com/j/default.asp

Better yet here's a photo from 2001 and the still of the "new" video - The grey doesn't look too different.

This pic is from 2001 or earlier.

This is the "NEW" video.

I watched the footage and saw the same greying beard I have seen in nearly every Bin Laden video. The footage looked old, and to be honest, the translation eluded to nothing but esoteric religious quotes, not unlike a christian leader or a mormon leader might say.

Are you fooled by this? Seriously, I want to know if you, the people, really beleive Bin Laden is alive, or that he is alive and making videos, or that he is alive and is dangerous or ever was dangerous to the "freedoms" we Americans currently enjoy?

Judging from that video footage, it's old, what he is supposedly saying is obtuse, and worst of all this nonsense was Big News. Shame on us America for allowing this hogwash to be broadcast to our eyes and ears.

Colander Of Truth and Other Nonsense

2007-07-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, this has nothing to do with television. I didn't know where else to post such an oddity, so here it is:

A few weeks ago I awoke in the middle of the night. I looked across our tiny mountain shack, in the heart of the Hollywood Hills, and I saw the colander hanging there on the kitchen wall, (I got the colander at Ikea several years ago for about $3), and suddenly I thought, "That is the Colander of Truth, if I put it on my head it will give me all the answers."

This rather bizarre idea seemed to invade my brain, and so I decided that it was probably true, but the next day I just could not bring myself to put the colander on my head. Every day for two weeks I looked at that colander and thought I should do it, but each time I talked myself out of it. I told myself it was not because I didn't want truth or knowledge, but I thought it would mean for sure I was crazy -- and what if Shane saw?

Now my colander is in storage 2000 miles away and I keep thinking -- Why didn't I put that fucking colander on my head????

A Year At The Wheel - 365 days of driving!

2007-07-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

My hubby Shane and I are going on a trip - for a year - yep, a year!

We are gonna drive all across this giant country of ours and cover the 2008 election. It will be a lot of fun, and alot of work, and a lot of driving, and alot of sleepless nights, and a lot of worrying about money, but we are gonna do it anyway.

We are tired of the current climate in our contry, I feel like EVERYONE is at fault for it - The Right, Left, Reps, Dems, everyone. So we are going to interview people about how they feel and put it up as an internet TV SHOW on our website.

Please check it out when you get a chance, http://www.ayearatthewheel.com, and if you like it subscribe to our RSS feed, and if you really like the idea, please post one of these handy dandy banner ads up wherever ya can. Thank you very much!

All you have to do is grab the code and go...
<A HREF="http://www.ayearatthewheel.com"><img src="http://www.ayearatthewheel.com/year.banner/365.Y.gif"></a>

Thanx in advance for showing some love - thanx!
<A HREF="http://www.ayearatthewheel.com"><img src="http://www.ayearatthewheel.com/year.banner/365.z.gif"></a>

Pie Inspiration From The Movie 'Waitress'

2007-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to see the movie 'Waitress' with my husband and my mother in law. It was a great time, and the movie was really sweet and fun.
The writer/director Adrienne Shelly is one of my favorite actresses. I was excitedly awaiting this movie when I hear the awful news that she had been murdered. It was a terrible and tale, and has even been played out in an episode of 'Law and Order'. Murdered by a construction worker she had an argument with, and then hung to make it look like suicide. She has been acting for nearly 20 years, I loved her in such films as 'Trust' and 'Road Killers'.
Look her up yourselves: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791248/
In the movie, a young, small town waitress is a pie genius, but a mess as a wife. The film follows her pregnancy until the birth of her baby. It is an endearing film, not complex, but well told and well acted by Adriene Shelly, Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm), Keri Russell and Andy Griffith. Jason Fillion played the doctor, and it is always great to see the original "Joey Buchanan" from 'One Life to Live' doing well. The only problem with the film was Jeremy Sisto, who could not pull off the control freak husband Earl. We all agreed he was not believable in the role. Nevertheless, the movie did not suffer at all, it was a funny film and a great way to spend an afternoon.

Since then there has been no less than 3 pies made, and they have been some of the best ever.

Shane's mother immediatly made an incredible cherry pie with a latice crust, all from scratch. Then a few days later she followed up with this perfect looking and tasting apple pie. A few days later, I added a Chocolate "Dream Whip" pie to the mix. All three were really good, and Linda my awesome mother-in-law, also made crust crisps by baking the extra pie crust drenched in sugar, cinnamon and butter. They were godly!

KWIK E MART in Chicago

2007-07-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

We went to the KWIK E MART in cChicago. It was on West 63rd Street, not far from Midway Airport. Formerly a regular old 7-eleven it is until the end of July a KWIK E MART direct from THE SIMPSON'S Springfield.
Here are some photos from our excursion...

Bart and Millhouse having Squishees atop the KWIK E MART. Chicago, IL 7/07.

Mmmm DOUGHNUTS! Simpson's style, Chicago, 7/07.

"Thank you! Come again!"

No TV for two months!

2007-06-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, so I didn't get to enjoy any television for more than two months - no I wasn't being punished by an evil step-mother. Rather, I moved to the home of TV -- Los Angeles, and let me tell you, it was like watching TV everyday when I stepped outside!

We went out for breakfast, two tables over was "Seth" from 'The OC' aka Adam Brody. Another night we went out for pie and coffee and there was the dad from 'Grounded for Life' and 'The Tao Of Steve' aka Donal Logue.
Driving down Sunset, Sarah Silverman is in the car next to us at a stoplight. It was unreal - totally unreal.
We went to see a band - Metal Skool (or is it School?), and there is Sienna Miller, Ron Jeremy, and Dennis Rodman.

One day we were driving down the street, and coming toward us was a big truck with a camera on the back, they are pulling another car, and inside the car is WIlliam H. Macy and LL Cool J. Okay, it WAS cool to see how they do those driving scenes in movies, but what the hell movie is William H. Macy and LL Cool J doing together - What the F*%#?!?!?!?!

Los Angeles is one of the most bizarre places I have ever been, it was totally surreal!

Funny Pie Story...

2007-04-21T22:17:00.001-07:00

Is there really any other kind of pie story?
Anyway, my husband and I were in Los Angeles last summer, and we had the great good fortune to meet Forrest Ackerman (the man who coined the phrase "sci-fi" -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forrest_J_Ackerman). He's a pretty old guy these days, but he has a whole museum of stuff at his house and he gives tours like once a week, so we HAD to go!
We chatted until nearly noon, and then he offered to have lunch with us at his favorite restaurant House Of Pie. While we ate he told us epic tales from his lie.
One of them was about how he and Orson Welles would eat there once a week for lunch. Then he told us while he would be muching on a variety of soups and sandwiches (they have it all at House Of Pie) that Orson always had the same thing.
We both looked at him with our eyes wide... "What was it??"
Every week Orson ordered an entire Coconut Cream Pie, and ate the whole thing!

The White Rapper Show and Amputees

2007-02-21T09:32:00.000-08:00

Just saw on yahoo news Heather Mills - the famed amputee now divorcing a Beatle - will be on 'Dancing With The Stars'. Two days ago on Yahoo News there was a newsarticle about a war photographers new art show depicting many, many amputees from our current war, it was actually referred to as THE injury of the war. I am guessing that it was no accident that got Ms Mills this dancing gig....

On a more entertaining note, I have to admit I have been watching 'The White Rapper Show'.

I am not sure how or when I got involved in the dramatic "keeping it real" challenges of a warehouse full of wannabe rap stars. At first I dismissed the show as mere bad television, but it has really grown on me.
Rap is at least a little more real to me than what those "kids" on American Idol are doing this season.
[For comparison, I finally saw Tuesday night's episode of 'Amerian Idol' - It was the All Guy episode, and it was a train wreck. Not one of those kids looked like they actually breath oxygon, by the end I was convinced they were all white toothed robots coming to take over the world.]

The White Rapper show is hosted by MC Search who was in the white rap band Third Base with Everlast back "in tha day!"
I tuned in the episode before the little blond girl, G-child got the boot, I saw a mohawked 100 Proof take his "had, bad, glad" ass outta there too.
The show has really been a blast. It isn't super phony, and some of these kids' raps are so bad, it is funny to see the host and his special guests try to keep there composure. The Detroit episode really summed it up when all 3 of the final contestants got their asses handed to them by 3 Regular Joe rappers in the Motor City!
I can only hope had the giant Persia still have been in the game, she might have actually had a good time there. The other 3 got burned, and worse yet, only the silver toothed white trash, Shamrock, the only one of the three finalists that I believe actually knows any black people, knew he'd been burned.
Now it's down to two, Jus -- the freaked out religious kook, who lost his college fellowship to compete in a game he had no business being on, is finally gone. "Pra-eese tha lo-ord!" he raps as he "Steps off".
Left are Shamrock a poor kid from Atlanta or the "mailbu-esque" John Brown who keeps calling for a "ghetto revivial" but manages to keep all his teeth.
This show is worth watching for the uncomfortable moments, the awkwardness, and the colorful jargon - You got Mayo - the Ice - Ice Chamber - the human sized roach - phrases like "Your speech is fradulaent" getting thrown around -- Who could ask for more!?!

Old Movies and ME

2007-01-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

You may or may not be aware that my husband has been out of town for some weeks now. While on my own, I moved my computer into the living room so the TV could keep me company.

At first I watched a lot of IFC - Independent Film Channel, Free Speech TV, and the DOC channel, then I moved onto some fluff -- Law & Order and even a few CSIs and some other network TV - That got old real fast! I actually started watching The OC again, so I will admit I was bummed to hear it was cancelled.

Enough was enough though, and I have seen every movie in the IFC rotation even the bad ones - Widows Peak -- PLLLEEEASSE, did that SUCK! I moved onto the History Channel, which was great for New Years with all that End of the World programming, but that too got old.

I found myself turning to TCM Turner Classic Movies and I found many interesting movies, and best yet - no repeats.

I watched 'A Day In The Sun' with Liz Taylor (And, I must add that, I have long made jokes about the "Liz Taylor School Of Acting" as I may have mentioned before because I saw her in Cleopatra. It was an insult to an actor who gave a bad performance -- "They must've gone to the Liz Taylor School Of Acting"). But, she was really good in this movie about a guy who starts at the bottom of a large company and moves quickly through the ranks, the problem is he hooked up with a gal when he first started at the company - a lowly factory girl, who announced she was pregnant right about the same time his career was taking off and when the rich and beautiful Liz Taylor had taken an interest in him.

What's a fella to do? Of course, rent a boat and get rid of the pregnant gal, which is exactly what happened, sort of. (After seeing Liz really acting, I had to move her up to my list of actors that forgot how to act, my list includes Al Pacino, Ed Norton, and many others I can't think of at this moment).

I also watched a cool old movie called 'The SIlver Horde' about a young man who heads to Alaska to find his fortune, buys into the salmon canning biz (I have to admit all those dead fish kinda freaked me out), and falls for a former "dance hall floozy" (per the info button's description).

I have enjoyed these movies and some others so much because they are not so simplistic. I mean the plots aren't as complex as some movies today, but they are more interesting. Many movies today are overdone and too much, they try to make things so complex and formulaic and instead of being interesting, they are predicable and overacted. I finally have learned what it means when people "chew the set".

So that's my two cents (sense). It have to go, it's time to watch 'My Kingdom For A Cook' tonight on the DVR......

The list of Things I Never Need To Do

2007-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

I came up with the idea of this list of Things I Never Need To Do a few weeks ago while talking with my father.
We were talking about the mountain climbers that were recently killed while trying to climb a mountain in Oregon. I told my dad, I would never want to climb a mountain, that it was too dangerous, and life is risky enough.
Suddenly, a thought popped in my head (!) that there were actually quit a few things I NEVER wanted to do when I really thought about it, and I decided it was time to speak out about it.
Now let me clarify, I am not someone with a lack of experiences or yearnings, there are plenty of things I would love to do, and places I need to see, but then again, there are a lot of daredevil, dangerous and ludicris things people do - like climb Mt. Everest, and a good amount of those people are injured or killed. I have had my share of near death experiences, and while they have made me strong, I won't go out of my way to have any more than life is already, inevitably, going to throw my way.

So I started with this...

Things I NEVER need To Do
1. Climb a mountain (Toooo risky)

I quickly added...
2. Jump out of a plane (I was thinking of skydiving, but as I type it, I think instead, I never want to have to jump out of a plane period!)

Then, I went to Los Angeles for a week at Christmas to spend time with my husband Shane, and our friend Hart Fisher who is a legendary cartoonist and publisher, and now edits movies in Hollywood, he has also done a few horror movies of his own. I mention this because, while there we watched a lot of movies and went to see 'Apocolypto' at the theater.

I then added these to my list...

3. I never need to be burned alive.
4. I never need to loose a limb (or an organ I only have 1 of).
5. I never need to get lost in a foreign country, (especially a jungle, a war zone, a hostile nation).

I guess those are my top 5, I will add more later.

Could Arnold Schwarzenegger be smoking medical Marijuana?

2007-01-05T11:08:00.000-08:00

So I was starting my day off with some coffee and news, and some homemade cinnamon muffin bread, in front of my computer -- this is where I start most days.

As we Televisionists say " A Screen is a screen", (I beleive this has been commented on this very blog by Shane).
This means Ritual Viewing also includes surfing the internet, it all comes from the same place, it's all TV!
Speaking out against TV and then spending 12 hours a day on the inernet is the exact same thing, as are video games, and movies. If you are viewing a screen for entertainment or information purposes you are offering Ritual Viewing to our god TV.

I came across the following news story about Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger' broken leg....

Schwarzenegger misses inaugural kickoff
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070105/ap_on_re_us/schwarzenegger_inauguration

[SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger missed the start of his two-day inaugural celebration Thursday to recuperate at home with a broken leg while his wife greeted a crowd gathered at the Capitol.
"He wishes he could be here ," first lady Maria Shriver told about 300 people at the event that highlighted California's environmental strides.]

The article goes on to say this, "Schwarzenegger canceled his appearance after he tripped over his ski pole while standing on a slope in Sun Valley, Idaho... Doctors used screws and cables to connect broken fragments of his right thigh bone during a 90-minute operation Dec. 26."

he tripped over his ski pole while standing
he tripped over his ski pole while standing
he tripped over his ski pole while standing
he tripped over his ski pole while standing

That sure sounds like a stunt one would credit to being stoned.
I wonder if Gov. Schwarzenegger hit the Pot Store before hitting the slopes? Not that I would blame him!

Of course skiing seems like a reckless dangerous sport altogether if you ask me. I really can't even imagine a time I would ever strap on a pair of skis. Snow Shoeing maybe, hiking, sure, but putting on skis and sliding along with only a pair of sticks to help you -- no way!

I think I am going to add that one to my list of Things I Never Need To Do.
.... more on that later.

History TV

2007-01-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

12/31/06
Last night I watched a complete evening of History TV. It's not something I normally do, but when I do watch this type of programming I sometimes find them enjoyable.
It all started when I flipped on the TV in the early evening, I was tired from a holiday trip to the TV holy land of Los Angeles, and I had driven nearly 300 miles just to get home from the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport, so I was in a mood to veg out.

I caught a show already on about the history of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) - well actually it was called 'Aftershock'. I always considered myself fairly knowledgeable about the Klan and the Civil War, but found I actually knew very little about the time period shortly after the Civil War ended, and the Confederate soldiers headed home.
I did not know they had to unpledge their allegiance to the Confederacy, and more shocking was that the 14th Amendment that gave freed Negroes the right to vote (men only don't forget), also took away the right to vote for all of the confederate soldiers. So while blacks everywhere were registering to vote, a huge portion of the Southern population of America was unable to. And, of course we all know that women didn't get the right to vote until 1923.
Now it makes a little more sense about why an organization like the Klan could ever exist and even flourish. It had less to do with people who were getting the right to vote, and certainly much more to do with having the right to vote stripped from you when you are an American, and even having vocally pledged allegiance to America before being allowed to return home. They called this time period "Reconstruction" in the South, it was really just a nice way to say they were punishing the rebels.
(Dare I mention, most Freed Slaves voted Republican in those days.)

After that, I watched 'Decoding the Past'. The description on the info button was wrong. It wasn't about Mayan predictions for doomsday 2012, as promised, it was instead about the Tsunami of 2004, meteors or astroids hitting the earth, and other disasters. It was Disaster TV - Fear it , Fear It!

Finally, I caught a good amount of the new show about Nostradamus, called Nostradamus: 500 Years Later, what can I say, I never could make heads or tales of his predictions, and after watching some of this show I understood why. Because he was full of shit, that's why. I fell asleep on the sofa while "experts" talked about the marvels of his predictions, and what they "of course" mean, then they would show the prediction on the screen and it would be about as direct as a fortune cookie.

I fell asleep, with the boob tube on...

Could I be.... Sick of TV!

2006-12-10T16:02:00.000-08:00

I never thought this could happen, but today I spun around the channels and nothing -- And I mean NOTHING was on! I actually found myself re-watching some show on Free Speech TV (FSTV) about satellite technology - basically, we are all fucked!
A fellow on there was talking about mining in asteroids - I am sure there's no danger with that!?!?!?!?!
I guess I will just focus on one screen tonight - the computer screen...

Ah Ha! I see my words have been heard!

2006-12-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

Yes, about a year ago on this very blog, I voiced my opinion about the lameness of the Independent Spriti Awards nominees, and this year I believe they have heeded my warning! This year as I looked over the nominees, I was overcome with the fact that I haven't seen a single one of the movies on the list, and most I had not heard of. Bravo.
Now, let's just hope ol'Oscar doesn't follow their lead.
You see the Oscars needs to be reserved for big money movies, actors that look good but can't really act, and directors that have been around since before there was such a thing as film school! The Oscars is about red carpets and who could shmooze the best. (I don't know how to spell Shmooze, I admit it).
People like Angelina Jolie win Oscars - Don't get me wrong, I like Angelina Jolie, I think she is beautiful and smart, and I am glad she goes out and does stuff for poor people and countries, and I was glad Brad picked her over that irritating Jennifer Aniston (He did after all look miserable for a while there). I even try to watch Angelina Jolie movies cuz I want to like her acting, I really do, but let's face it she can't act. When I found out she'd won an oscar after watching that insidious 'Taking Lives' I was flabergasted! I am flabergasted now just thinking about it.
But I am not picking on Angelina, I like her. I am just trying to illustrate that Oscars are for gals like her and Halle Berry, guys like Richard Gere and Juaquin (you ain't your brother) Phoenix. It's for big budget action movies that have no real plot and for sappy sad sack chick flicks that make you wanna puke.
I am not saying this is bad, it's wonderful! But sometimes the Oscars seem to confuse themselves with the Golden Globes or the Independent Spirit Awards and vice versa, and we just can't let that happen.
Don't let it happen!

Too Much TV

2006-12-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

So where have I been for these last few weeks?
It's an easy answer, I've been watching TV.
You see I've been on my own for the last week - that's after a whole lot of Thanksgiving cooking, and a bout with that nasty little flu bug.
Anyway, rather than working at my usual desk in my usual office - aka My Purple Palace, I moved my computer to the "living room". At this very moment, it sits on the coffee table with an array of coffee cups with varying amounts of old coffee, and empty cups of cocoa with a melted marshmellow residue that I will need a jack hammer to get off.
The main problem with having my computer in the living room, in front of the TV, is that I can't stop watching TV. I have been watching all kinds of TV, from a really irritating 'Law & Order SVU' marathon to old 'X-files', several IFC movies -- I actually just finished watching 'Beyond Rangoon', which wasn't bad, though I never really "bought" Patricia Arquette as a doctor, but whatever.
Opps, what was I saying? Tek Jansen is on.....
I can't take my damn eyes off of the damn TV!
Tomorrorw, I swear I will put my computer and me back at my desk in my office -- I swear I will.
Sure, I will....

Dogville - This is my life!

2006-11-22T22:32:00.000-08:00

I think I am living in a movie! We just watched Lars Von Trier's epic 'Dogville' and we are shocked by how closely the story resembled the current state of our lives. Shocking!

Narrator: This is the sad tale of the township of Dogville. Dogville was in the Rocky Mountains in the US of A, up here where the road came to its definitive end, near the entrance to the old abandoned silver mine. The residents of Dogville were good honest folks...

Okay, subsitute Iron Ore for Silver and there you have it, I am living in "Deerville"!
We came to this little town and at first we were welcomed, when we tried to do our best to make Deerville a better place and help the people and economy, the people turned on us and got all crazy. Hopefully, we get out before the bell gets hooked to our necks!

The TV Ministry on IMDB?

2006-11-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's true! I was looking for information on something I was listing on ebay and up popped The TV Ministry - The Movie. Back in 1997, I gathered the troops, collected a tape full of favorite TV moments, and my husband "convinced" one of his friends to film a short infomercial for "The World's Truest Religion".
The fella who shot the video, Mark Hejnar, edited it together for me and added his own "special touches" (which translated to clips of Hitler, a lady with a used sanitary pad, and one cool clip of a light nearly falling on then Pres. Bill and Hillary Clinton). Hejnar was angry to do the job, complained insessantly about some nearby road construction, and acted like the whole thing was a real bother. He then went on to submit the film to numerous film festivals where the short actually won awards!
Here is a link to the IMDB listing, and a review from one of the film fest magazines: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0224211/, and the review: http://www.impossiblefunky.com/archives/issue_11/11_mcf99.asp?IshNum=11&Headline=MicroCineFest%2099.
I especially like the end of the review when the writer says, "Upon winning the award for Best Low-Budget Video, Hejnar revealed that the members of the TV Ministry have completely missed the irony of his work. This, more than anything, is a testament to the success of his work!" Silly Hejnar! He has to make himself feel better because The TV Ministry, has become his most well received film, and wasn't really his movie. The TV Ministry was born from sarcasm and irony, apparently my crew of "chowderheads" was more convincing than I had ever hoped!
I will dig it out and post it up for everyone to enjoy, hopefully this weekend.

From FOX to IFC

2006-11-15T17:05:00.000-08:00

I should say at this point, I have never had cable television.

All through my years growing up, and then living on my own, and even during the first 9 years of my marriage, it was all regular TV. I had no real need and no ability to afford cable or satellite television. My husband Shane and I pretty much watched only FOX TV when we lived in the Chicago area -- it had everything we needed.

We had the Simpsons on 3 or 4 times each day, Seinfeld on 3 or 4 times a day, and tons of cheesy TV shows -- We found ourselves hooked on stuff like American Idol, Trading Spouses, Paradise Hotel, The OC, John Doe (Bastards never brought it back after the chiffhanger season finale, grrrr) and the like. Hell, we even got hooked on 24, and that was after I said how much I hated it during the first season.

We really never felt a reason to turn the channel, we had Walter Jacobson and Robin Robinson to give us news -- I still miss you Robin! We had the greatest weatherman of all time Harry Volkman -- He invented the Tornado Warning back in 1953! No, REALLY!

I can't tell you how many letters I wrote to WFLD-TV in Chicago suggesting they get the city to make a Harry Volkman day and give him a parade -- They responded by forcing him off the air, which still kills me! I got to meet him once and got his autograph. We were at an event called "Busker Fest" watching an old friend of ours lay in broken glass and there was Harry across the crowd watching! We ran to catch up with him, I told him how much he meant to me, though I don't think he understood how sincere I was. I made Harry Volkman buttons and sent them to him too.... so much for reminiscing... What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, so we moved from Chicago to Northern Minnesota, and mean WAY Northern! The closest "Big City" is Duluth which is 2 hours South of us, what I am trying to say is, when we moved here we HAD to get satellite or we would have had NO TV at all, and when you live in a place that gets five to six feet of snow each winter, television becomes a serious necessity!

So we got Direct TV as part of or phone package, and then upped our basic service to the whatever-they-call-it-$11-more-a-month-package, it gave us another 30 or so channels. We got it so we could watch The Shield on FX, (we got hooked on it when we were staying with my in-laws, FX played all of season 1 over two weeks and then started season 2 right after. We watched all of the first season which was great because they played 2 episodes each night. Then we caught most of Season 2, until we missed the Season finale -- Total Bummer!). We hadn't seen any of Season 3, so that may have led to our disappointment, but Season 4 - the one with Forrest Whitaker - was really lame.

Then we discovered IFC, and the $11 a month became well worth it since it has become the only channel we really watch -- well that and Comedy Central, and sometimes the DOC Channel. IFC offers really great movies, this week alone we saw 'Amores Perros' which was haunting, and 'Affliction' which was really weird.

'Amores Perros' is 3 different stories that entertwine eventually, all with strong morals and all related in one way or another to dogs. There is some pretty realistic dog fighting in the movie, and I thought for sure they were really killing dogs since it was filmed in Mexico, but a little research the next day proved me wrong (thankfully). 'Amores Perros' is written and directed by the same fellas who did 13 Grams (Hated it!) and the new movie Babel (haven't seen it yet). I have to admit, dead dogs aside, it was really good.

'Affliction' was filmed like a horror movie, but with no horror-- just a whacked out Nick Nolte (Which you really can't go wrong with). It's is supposed to be based on a true story (I have yet to look this up) and is narrated by a younger brother (Willem Dafoe), who just can't understand what drove his brother into a homicidal rage. DUH! He moved into his childhood home with his father. Homicidal Rage is mild compared to how I felt when I moved back in with my parents at 22!

Unfocused? Me? Damn right! I will try to reign it in....

Anyway, IFC has some pretty good series' on it too. I got hooked on "The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman", it was the "Drunk On Cock" episode that sucked me in, now I have been trying to see them all in reruns as I eagerly await a new season. After that show is "The Business" which I really hated at first but it eventually grew on me. I think it was the crazy Japanese investor that was the initial draw, but the other characters seemed to get more interesting as time went on.

So there is my TV rant for the night, no I do not work for IFC, I just wanted to prepare you gentle readers for the inevitable emphasis that IFC, and the other stations I mentioned, will have in this blog.

Also, I was trying to add photos of what the hell I am talking about, but after an hour of futile attempts (yes, I am a moron). I need to do a little more work on this matter. I refuse to subject all of you to a box with a question mark, while I fiddle around.

Good Night!

Adrienne Shelly RIP

2006-11-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

I was bummed to hear that Adrienne Shelly was dead, I was shocked to find out the gruesome and bizarre details of her murder.
I just saw the movie TRUST on IFC recently and thought she was great. I was shocked to see how many movies of hers I have actually seen -- I love actors like that. You know the ones, they are in tons of movies and you never even notice them. There are so many actors, that just can't suspend my disbelief, not for one second.

A quick peak at her IMDB (Internet Movie Database) will give you a list of her work, and I am betting you will be hard pressed to say you haven't seen a single film with Adrienne Shelly. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0791248/ (Geez, I hate adding all that a href stuff!)

In addition to acting she had also written and directed several films, mostly shorts. This makes her untimely death all the worse since she was about to release what would have surely been her biggest film to date "The Waitress", and if it's as good as people are saying, this means we may have had the female Clint Eastwood stolen away from us.

I am going to send some psychic waves and maybe a letter to IFC (Independant Film Channel) to say "How about an Adrienne Shelly film fest for a weeked?". I hope it works.
Send Mail, or see the website: http://ifc.com/

This should be a lesson to all of us, the ladies especially, loud assholes (Can I say asshole?) are to be ignored, not engaged, no matter how rude and irritating they are.....

The Colbert Report and me

2006-11-09T01:50:00.000-08:00

DO I really need to say "gee I haven't used this great blog at all, now I am going to"? If so, then there I said it.

Anyway, like most Americans with an IQ over 75, I get most of my TV news from Comedy Central - Yep, The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. I don't care what Geraldo Rivera says, it is real news, and it's not like he'd know real news if it smashed a chair over his face.
Even my 70+ year old landlady says she gets all her news from the same place -- and she is way smarter than me. So there.
I watched the 'Midtern Midtacular' the night of the election, and watched it again the next day - and still laughed. Usually only Seinfeld can make me laugh over and over at the same shows I have seen 12-15 times now.
I must admit though, my fun and innocent joy of watching The Colbert Report has been taken down a dark and shadowy alley of late. Why you ask? Well, a few nights ago I was sleeping away in my futon bed which is about 3 inches too short to actually accommodate my entire body (And, no I am not some amazon, I just hit 5'7")--- but that's a whole other story -- Anyway, I had this dream that I was riding in an old convertible with Stephen (Steven?) Colbert, except I didn't realize it was him. He took me on a bunch of crazy errands and then we went back to "my place" (which I'd never seen before) and we got it on --- Yeah "IT"! We got IT on, and it was HOT and HEAVY, and WILD!
I woke up in the middle of the night and thought "What the Hell was that?"
Now, I feel very weird watching the show, especially with my husband. I feel dirty and like a very bad girl. Hopefully, by writing this down in my oh so private blog, I will be releived from this feeling of....... whatever it is, and just get back to enjoying his peculiar "humor".

Until Next time.... TV is God!