Scary Movie! Because I Said So

I am afraid to shut off the lights...

I watched a movie that was so terriying, so horrorfying and so gratutious, I do not know when I will feel safe again.
Was it the new Rob Zombie flick? No.

Sadly, that would have been a welcome choice over the supposed "Chick Flick" I recently endured called 'Because I said So'.
Mind you, I never wanted to see this movie, but I was spending time with my 12 year old sister-in-law and we rented it. I watched it with her and my mother-in-law a night or two ago.

I am not really a "chick flick" kinda girl, I mean I enjoyed 'The Joy Luck Club' and 'The Piano', and the recent 'Waitress' (RIP Adrienne Shelly). Typically though, these are not my thing. Of course a good movie is a good movie no matter the genre, and I thought to myself "How bad could it be?"

Well, let me tell you, a very disturbing hour and a half later, I was truly mortified! The last movie I saw that was this bad? 'White Noise' I guess.

Much like 'White Noise', it appears this movie was written from scratch during filming, with the results being god-awful.

Diane Keaton stars as the mother of three daughters, one is merely a stand-in here and there, and I recall her having maybe 1 line, the other is a psychologist, a fact which appears forced in an effort to bring some humor to the movie - in the form of a ridiculous loser patient. Mission NOT accomplished on that one.

The third daughter, and apparently the only one that matters is Mandy Moore, who is successful and pretty and has a nice loft, but she is oh so lonely. Dear me! So meddling mother Diane Keaton decides to run a personal ad and interview would-be suitors. The entire plot is totally predicable - of course, but that wasn't even the worst of it!

No, the worst wasn't the formula, it wasn't the orgasm chat - though that was pretty fucking bad! - It wasn' the fact it seemed they wrote it as they went along. Okay, maybe all of that was, but.....

The worst was all of the forced cuteness - For example the three daughters and mother sing at all of their parties! Then there was all of this really stupid contrived drama, Mandy Moore dates a guy and he brings her home to meet his young son right after the first date (I am not even going to get into the psychological ramifications of this in the real world). She dates another guy who during the first date talks about touring Italy together - Good Grief!

I cannot even begin to recount all of the cliches, forced mother daughter humor, cutesy-ness, this movie beats you over the head with it's pointless moral of the story.

And, at the end of the film, I actually felt dumber for having watched it!

I never really hated Diane Keaton or any of the actors or actresses in this movie, but I can say without hesitation, were I in charge of America - every cast member, the writers, director, and studio execs who produced this declaration of the destruction of society would all be lined up and shot! Oh to be the king!

Why? Because I Said So!